Nothing but GOOD NEWS

Just got back from an office visit,
got the results of last week's CT scan and MRI...

and nothing but good news.
no evidence of cancer,
and the 3 pulmonary embolisms (emboli?) are gone....

phew!

So, now I get to live my life for three months,
then we'll do another blood work panel,
and in 6 months more scans....

Last weekend, we had a bit of a End of Chemo Celebration.
It was a perfectly fun, and serious, and emotional
way to cap it all off.  I was joined by an amazing cast of supportive characters,
the final toast,
and the big SMASH..... with everyone.

I will never forget that.

On this, the 12, and last chemo treatment...

some things that I am grateful for today, in no particular order:

• an easier trip this time around
• that "beep beep beep" sound saying the pump is empty
• my wonderful wife, who is just as emotional as I am today, and keeps saying "we can do anything, this shows we can do anything"
• my wonderful daughter who, in her three-and-three-quarters wisdom keeps saying "Papa looks so unusual! He looks so unusual, we can see his chin!"
• the house refinance meeting which started out with a lovely gift in celebration of me, and not the house, a lovely, thoughtful (and delicious) bottle of Macallan 12 year old scotch...ah, the symbolism! hope it isn't illegal....
• the oncologist's office calling to say that Wednesday's blood draw for tumor markers came back normal (even the one that test for ovarian cancer....phew)
• the note from my old best friend wishing she could be here, and reminding us of the new importance of the number 12
• hot shower (twice)
• the nurses at the oncologists office bursting in to applause when I stopped by to drop off my pump, forever.
• a new friend and tattoo artist, willing to shuffle around her schedule for a new special tattoo
• the beginning of a return to my new life, after...

THIS IS THE LOOK...

... of a man FINISHED with chemo.

LAST CHEMO

sitting on the back yard,
sun on my face
so far so good...

The Final Countdown...

On the eve of the eve of my last chemo treatment,
a look back....

...and may this last one truly be the last one.

time to party

so,
we are planning a party to celebrate the end of this treatment.
we've invited a bunch of people,
but sometimes chemo-brain gets in the way,
so if you didn't get an invite and you really want to come, get in touch,
and we will send you the info.

it's going to be a hoot.

JUST ONE MORE

I am thrilled to be able to say that I have only one more treatment left
and  then a few scans and a few blood tests and then....
THIS LITTLE BLIP WILL BE NOTHING BUT REAR VIEW MIRROR!

Treatment #11 went pretty well.
Driving in to the doctor on Wednesday, my anxiety levels were pretty high. I was really not looking forward
to going through all this again.  It was all the power of negative thinking.... we had been talking a fair
amount about how hard the last few treatments have been, they were really catching up with me,
taking a lot longer to bounce back, extra days in bed, blucky blucky blucky...

well all that talk didn't help. I started to believe it, I started to out-think myself. I started to let the negative in.
BUT, once I realized I was doing that, I was able to kick all that junk out of my brain,
flex my brainial biceps, and show that negative thinking who was boss.....
oh, and I took a lot of lorazepam..... and some anti-nausea meds...

SOOOOOO.... it's a toss up really,

power of positive thinking
                 vs.
modern pharmaceuticals


....we may never know, but what IS important is that round 11 is not only OVER
but it wasn't so BAD.  It wasn't an ice cream sundae either, but it wasn't bad.....

My super friend Tracy helped out with the cup smashing ceremony this time:

if only chemo could always be this fun......

the Penultimate Peril (thanks Lemony...)

I am in the midst of the second to last treatment...phew.
and due to some mind over matter actions, things are going pretty smoothly....
granted, I'm still in bed and its 12:30.....

the last few treatments have been a bit rougher, a little longer lasting, harder to shake off.
then of course in between we keep talking about how its getting harder....
so yesterday, heading in for treatment it was a bit harder to muster the 'no problem, I got this' attitude.
I was a little more anxious, a little more nervous.
but with the help of a positive attitude readjustment (and some modern pharmaceuticals) I'm feeling okay today.

when you feel lousy, it helps to at least look good...
thus I've been waxing my mustache into dandy curls,
and this morning I tried a jaunty new tie knot...

in between, the holidays happened and they were fun and exhausting... back to school is creeping up on me. I'm glad to be finished with (at least the last half of) 2012 and looking forward to a great and healthy 2013! here's a flashback update on treatment 10, and in a couple days there will be a toast and update on number 11, hope it stays smooth.........

IT'S OFFICIAL

finally enough fell out, I couldn't take it anymore...

AS THREE QUARTERS FADES IN THE RAINY DUSK

treatment number 9 has concluded!
only 3 left,
such a tiny, manageable number...

I owe a post for number 8, also.
as that one finished up on Thanksgiving, I thought it fitting to make a list of all that I am thankful for.
as I formed the list in my mind, it grew longer and more formidable, and my great of leaving any thing or any one out grew.... I think it is important to shout your thanks into the wind, so that
list is coming....

for now I head into the busy, yet enjoyable holiday season, counting the days until this road is done for me, and I can go back to being a person, to leave being a cancer patient behind, move on to that honored club of cancer survivors, and hopefully leave that behind too.

I am a person, with a bump in his road, almost behind him,
and so much ahead.

THANK YOU, WHOEVER, FOR CUTTING ME SOME SLACK....

So, number 7 is over.
and for some reason, it was relatively easy.....
which is a surprise. Last treatment was a bear.
And not a nice cuddly bear,
but a mean ugly bear.

And this time around, I'm not saying it was fun,
cause spending 2 days in bed because even your hair feels poisoned
isn't fun.... but come friday night this time,
I felt okay to join the family on a dinner outing.

I'm sort of surprised,
I thought I was going into this round pretty wiped out.
Parent teacher conferences last week,
as much fun as they were,
they were also exhausting......
I'd much rather put out the energy with thirty 8 year olds,
than to hang with their parents for 8 hours, two days in a row...
no offense, folks.

This, I'm thrilled to say, is the first time I've felt like
there's not many of these left.  I've done 7, and I only have 5 left...
I've got more behind me than in front,
and that feels good.

I've changed my work schedule a little.
I'm going to be taking a little more time off,
which I think is going to help.

So here's to 5 more easy treatments.......

so, truth be told, Maya deserves this drink more than I do.  She has taken over so much responsibility, is working triple hard to keep this ship afloat, and so, raise a cup for her, please!

Chester was pretty interested in my cup right before the Big Smashola....

...yes, that's the top of the compost bin.

MINI UPDATE

as I head into treatment #7,
the beginning of the downward slope,
I wanted to share:

my MRI on Monday was totally clean.

good good news,
phew.

okay, that is all.
back to bed.

THE VIEW FROM THE OTHER SIDE....

I now officially have as many treatments ahead of me as I have behind me.

This is a major landmark.

HALF WAY.

and it's good, because my seeming-endless supply of positivity seems to be flagging a little.
I'm tired.

This whole business is not fun.

Two weeks ago, when I ended up in the hospital with a relatively scary road bump
(ie. pulmonary embolism x3, seriously, 3 pretty largish blood clots in my lungs), I started thinking,
"Hmm... maybe this whole thing isn't going to go as smoothly as I thought!"

And for the last few weeks, I spent days giving my self injections of blood thinners into my stomach,
thank goodness that's done, I've gone to the anti-coagulation clinic at least twice a week to check the levels
of how thin my blood is (more needle pokes.... often having to have two or three because the calluses on my finger tips are so beastly from rock climbing... TAKE THAT!) and had to take pills every night to keep my blood thin so no more clots.... this means lots of bruises, it means small cuts bleed for a long long time (shaving is a treat, thank goodness I only do it once a week...) it means I have to be super careful about
bumping my head (uh... rock climbing??) it means that I have ONE MORE THING TO WORRY ABOUT.

Well, I've just about had it with worrying about stuff....

I'm feeling like a fraction of my former self... I'm not dealing with stress very well, little tiny things feel like major major things... and hanging with 30 8 year olds every day (sorta, seems like I'm in the classroom less
and less) there are a bazillion little things that crop up every minute.  By 2 o'clock, I...am...spent.
Then dash dash to the anti-coag for more needle pokes, or quick scribble out some sub plans (thank all that is meaningful that Monica [my awesome sub...er, co-teacher] is totally amazing, totally on top of things, totally helpful and supportive.... just one more of the long list of people keeping it all from crumbling away.

And so, I missed posting after the last treatment.... I owe you a number 5 as well as this number 6.

For some reason, number 5 was pretty easy.... comparatively pretty breezy....  maybe it's because I spent two days laying in a hospital bed, only taught 1 day in two weeks, plenty of down time? maybe.
Well, at least it felt easy.... but then the week or so afterward was a slow, creepy, tired out time.... the
treatment didn't hit me so hard DURING, but after? yipes, I didn't really recover... then the next treatment
comes along, I'm super tired, not sleeping well, not feeling well, and number 6 was pretty rough. Saturday night and I'm still feeling beat up.

Right after number 5, I got the crazy idea that it was time to make a pie. Apple Pear Ginger... yum. my first butter crust.

Fiona wanted to make her own pie.  This is a blueberry pear baked in a mason jar. awesome!

During the offweek we went to the coast to celebrate Maya's birthday..... not a bad view.

BUT IT'S NUMBER 6. halfway. phew.

WILL MY POOR BELLY EVER BE THE SAME??

twice daily injections of blood thinner are starting to leave their mark... yipes.