DONE WITH NUMBER FOUR

this round has been much easier,
but easy is relative...
I wouldn't wish this on anyone
it's miserable and haunting,
and my heart truly aches for everyone
who has to go through it, so many
much worse off than me.
I have so much support and help,
and more importantly, I know I will make it
through, there is a healthy end in sight,
a better place is just 8 more of these awful trips away.

sometimes the speed the days fly by is a blessing... I'm unplugged before I know it, feel better before I know it, feel good before I know it...
but it's also a curse: the time in between goes so fast... just as I'm feeling better, normal...that sinking feeling of 'here we go again'

but it will be over before  I know it, just a blip, something to be strong and proud about, because I made it through, safely.

it's hard though.
work is feeling hard right now,
a stress I don't need.
and can't let get to me.
my good good friend who lost someone
very very close to this,
told me a story that she said she thought she may have recovered if she had had less pressure, less stress.
I hear this, loud and clear, I believe it, and take it very seriously.
I need to focus my strength, choose where it goes, be smart about it, take help when it's offered, and ask when it's not.
a good lesson for all of us.

I'm a third of the way through.
do what I've done two more times,
and I'm done. I know I can.

NUMBER 3 IS FINSHED

Going in to round 3, I was already a little warn out,
and it definitely showed....
It seemed like I wasn't hooked up to the pump for an hour and I was already a droopy-eyed zombie.
It's been a really gunky few days, and now almost 24 hours after unhooking the pump,
I still feel gross.

I got up, got dressed, trying to enter the world....
.... and had to sit down.

I tried to meet the family at the park for a picnic lunch...
... and I had to leave early.

But, today is a little better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be even better.

AND now I am officially 1/4 of the way through.  After the next round, I'll be a third finished.
12 has some cool fractions in it.

GEARING UP FOR ROUND 3

It's the eve of my third treatment,
and I'm feeling a little nervous about it.
Even though round 2 went a lot smoother than round 1,
it was still no sunny day at the lake.

The real trouble here is this:
before round 1, I was coming back from Aruba,
I was about as strong and energized as I could get.
Then, for round 2, I was just heading back to work (no kids yet, right? just getting ready for the first day of school) and the adrenaline and excitement of starting the school year kept me afloat
but now? eek.  I've been with students for 6 days, one more to go before treatment,
and I'm pooped.
Completely warn out.

I'm a little worried about going in to this without being close to 100%.
not even close. 70%? maybe. If I'm lucky.

I have to trust

that all of the support is in place,
that I've got a massive brigade of people looking out for me,
that it's only 4 or 5 days of feeling lousy
that the end is not far away...
that treatment #3 out of 12, that really means I'm a quarter of the way done.

that I can do this.

chemo #2: fin

broke my second cup today...
still feel pretty gunky
was in bed all day
but better than last time...
still not fun.

Chemo #2: too early to tell...

So, I'm strapped to the bag again...
a little different this time.
After last treatment's rollercoaster ups and crashing downs,
due to the pre-treatment of steroids,
we've changed the cocktail a bit this time around:
namely, we ditched the steroid.

Two weeks ago, at this time, I was feeling great... feeling like it was all cake,
and then the next morning, after a sleepless night, I was feeling like I was on speed.
Then of course, the crash came in the afternoon.

This time, I'm already feeling the glunk slurping into my body.  Feeling a little wobbly.
Just a little, a little fuzzy around the edges.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been back in my classroom OFFICIALLY since Monday,
although I unofficially put three days in last week.
It's a bit of a relief being there,
it's also a bit hard.  Tiring doing the work,
tiring being in public again, telling my story,
breaking the news to people who haven't heard yet,
or
being glad bumping into people who don't know, and being glad not telling them.
maintaining normalcy.

It will be a whole different animal putting out the energy to 29 kids.
We'll see what that's like soon enough.
I'm grateful to have a great class.

climbing is good

not sure where the energy or stamina came from,
but had a great climb yesterday...

ONE DOWN...

...in celebration: